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Career Chat: I hired my friend, now how can I fire them?

  • Writer: Ayanna
    Ayanna
  • Sep 21, 2020
  • 3 min read

If I had $100 for every time I heard this question from my small biz owner colleagues, I'd be a wealthy woman! How many people can relate to this?!?!


Let me set the stage... You started a business, you're excited, things are going well but you need some help. So, you go to your friend or family member that you love and trust and ask them to come on board with you. Before long, you realize, it's not quite working out. Now what? What do you do? You want your business to be successful but you also don't want to lose a relationship that you value.


When facing this situation, I've seen business owners make some critical missteps that I'd like to help you avoid. So, before you go telling people "You're fired" consider these common missteps:

  1. Did you set clear expectations for your friend/ family member when you hired them? A lot of business owners bring people onto their team and are laissez faire with setting expectations. Being clear about the role you want that person to play and how you expect them to deliver for you and your business is an important first step in hiring someone. Also, be clear up front as to where the boundaries are between the business and personal relationship. Blurred lines create risk and uncomfortable conversations in the future.

  2. Did you give your friend/ family member a big title that they are not otherwise qualified for? While I know new business owners cannot hire experts in their particular field, you can ensure that your family members either have the skillset or have the ability to gain the skill set for the role you put them in. For example, if your employee doesn't like math and didn't do well in this in school, they can't be your Chief Financial Officer! If they are not strong with creating reports or using technology, they can't be your Chief Operations Officer. Find a role that is a match to their actual skills and abilities.

  3. Are you checking in with them on a regular basis to give feedback. If there are things they are doing that aren't going well, let them know. Give them the chance to make an adjustment. Otherwise, they will be completely surprised if you decide to fire them. This will certainly damage your relationship.


Overall sentiment, NO ONE LIKES SURPRISES! If you're going to fire your friend or family member, they should have a sense that things aren't going well long before you show up to have that dreaded conversation.


So, after you've evaluated the situation and decided that they should be fired, here are my tips on how to be PHREE (free) of this bad employee situation:

  1. Preparation: Be prepared - don’t wing it! You know your friend/ family member well enough to know how they are going to respond. So be prepared and avoid the urge to wing this conversation! You owe it to them and to yourself to be well-rehearsed and well-prepared.

  2. Honesty: You have to be honest with them and be sure to provide specific examples of how they are not meeting the expectations of the job. Don’t beat around the bush or try to insert humor or soften the blow. This conversation is going to suck - PERIOD. So, put on your big girl panties and do it.

  3. Reminders: Be sure to remind them that this is business and not personal. This is why you have to approach this conversation in “Boss Mode” not friend mode. You don’t want them to get it twisted. This is NOT personal at all but as a business owner, you have to make tough decisions

  4. Earn your title: Do it yourself, in person and don’t delay. This is the time when CEOs really earn their title... doing the hard stuff. Getting their hands dirty and handling the tough situations are the true test of a business leader. You can't chicken-out of this, don't try to do it over email, or via text. Hit it head on.

  5. Be Emphatic: Empathy is important but be emphatic - meaning, be decisive and clear. Don't beat around the bush or back track when it gets hard. Go in clear and unwavering in what you need to accomplish because in the end, it's what will be best for both you and your friend/ family member.

Let's be clear, this is not easy at all! This is why it's important to take this into consideration before hiring someone you have a personal relationship. But, if you do, really be sure you treat them in a way that is respectful but also that demonstrates the value you place on your own business.


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